


Monsters are Gay

by rage_quitter



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: A smidge of symmarah and genyatta, Domestic, F/F, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Maybe part of a whole series! Who knows! Not the author!, Modern Setting, Neighbors, Trick or Treating, Twist ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 15:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12585044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rage_quitter/pseuds/rage_quitter
Summary: Lena and Emily are celebrating their first American Halloween with their eccentric neighbors. Things get a little spooky... and a lot gay.





	Monsters are Gay

**Author's Note:**

> hep halwin
> 
> this is just a whole lotta cute double date halloween shenanigans for an au i might develop more later!

Lena’s knuckles were white as she gripped the arms of the chair. Her eyes squeezed shut and she hardly dared breathe. Something cold and uncomfortably wet touched her cheek, slowly sliding down, leaving a trail of sticky fluid. 

“Relax,” whispered a voice. 

Lena shuddered.

“You need to relax. It won’t hurt. I promise.”

The wet thing disappeared, only to come back and smear more fluid along her face.

“Lena. Sweetheart, I love you, and I know it’s cold and gross, but if you don’t relax it’s gonna look terrible.”

Lena groaned, an exaggerated sound. “Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“I’ve no bloody idea, but you’re gonna look incredible when it’s all done, if you open your eyes and let me paint your face.”

The sponge retreated again, and Lena slumped back with a sigh, opening her eyes to her girlfriend not quite glaring at her. Lena pouted.

“I gotta make you all green first, and then when that’s dry, I’ll do your sparkly scales and stuff, okay? But you gotta relax, love, or it won’t come out right.”

“Ughhhhh,” Lena complained. “I’ll try.”

Emily leaned forward and kissed her nose. “You’re gonna look gorgeous.” With that, she tapped her nose with the sponge of pastel green paint.

For the next several minutes Lena sat still in her chair as Emily smudged green paint over her face and then blended it into her skin. The paint was cold, but set fairly quickly. Emily sprayed over her face with a sealer. 

“We’ll give it a few minutes and then I’ll do the scales and glitter and stuff, okay?” Emily said, tossing the makeup sponge in the trash can. “It’ll take longer, but it’ll look really good.”

“You’re so bloody talented,” Lena cooed.

Emily smiled at her. “You know it,” she teased.

Lena watched as Emily leaned into the mirror to start her own makeup. Her hands moved smoothly, and Lena smiled with a heart full of fondness and admiration for her. Even the simple act of turning herself into a gross sailor zombie was endearing and charming.

Emily alternated between their makeup until finally, the bathroom was an absolute mess of makeup and facepaint and glitter, and Emily was sticking the final plastic barnacle to her forehead.

“Okay. How is it?” Emily asked, stepping back and holding her arms forward in a zombie-like pose.

“You look amazingly scary. You’re the sexiest zombie I’ve ever seen,” Lena said, reaching forward to lace their fingers. “You look like you walked off of a movie set!”

Emily grinned, revealing blacked-out and painted teeth. “I would definitely jump into shark-infested waters if sirens all looked like you,” she said. 

Lena glanced at the mirror and the sharp-toothed, scale-faced monster that looked back. The black glitter over navy blue and seafoam green made eerie scales, and the wig was perfectly in place with a light-up headpiece. “You’re incredible. I don’t know how you do this.”

“Lots and lots of patience and practice. It’s not quite the same as painting, but similar enough.”

“I bet Jesse and Hanzo did some dorky couple costume, too,” Lena said. “But it won’t be nearly as good as ours!” She grinned and wiggled her fingers. 

“Oh! Did you still want the webbing on your hands?”

Lena made a face. “Do I have to? Might be hard to use my phone. And also harder to hold your hand.”

“Aw, love,” Emily cooed. “You’re adorable.”

“I’d kis you, but it would smudge all your hard work,” Lena said. “We should take some pictures and then go see if Jesse and Hanzo are all ready!”

“Absolutely!”

The two scrambled for their phones and took pictures of each other, then a few selfies. There was a brief, joking squabble over what tags to use on what apps, but the images were sent free to all their friends online.

Pictures lovingly saved, the two headed outside. It was chilly, but not cold. It was a bit early yet for trick or treaters as they walked to their neighbor’s house and rang the bell.

“Ain’t it a bit too early?” came a shout from inside. After a moment, the door opened to reveal a tall man in a long coat with what looked like a million belts and buckles, his hair, far longer than it had been the day before, pulled into a low ponytail.

His face brightened. “Well! Ain’t you two just the cutest?”

Lena beamed at Jesse McCree. “You’re looking quite fetching yourself, there, Van Helsing!”

“Hey, you got it!”

“Jesse? Who is it?” called another voice from deeper in the house.

“Emily and Lena,” Jesse returned. To the women, he said, “come on in. Hanzo’s getting snacks and stuff ready to hand out.”

They followed Jesse inside. It was pleasantly warm compared to the cool autumn weather. The decor was a hilarious but charming mixture of cultures with smatterings of random stuff that seemed impulse-bought at yard sales or gag gifts from friends. There were halloween decorations put up everywhere, as well, and the house smelled like chocolate and pumpkin spice and devilled eggs. 

“Hey, darlin’, we got some guests. Reckon they’ll need a towel! Or a life raft!”

“They need what?”

They followed Jesse to the kitchen, only to stop at the sight of Hanzo pouring bags of store-bought candy into large plastic bowls. He was dressed traditionally, with every inch of skin a dark gray, and even his tattoo painted over with red. Red horns curled from his forehead and his jaw, and his teeth were long fangs when he turned around.

“Whoa,” Lena said. “That looks amazing, Hanzo!”

“That’s a lot of paint,” Emily said. “And Lena was fighting me over her face!”

Jesse chuckled. “He never ceases to impress and amaze,” he said, smiling fondly at Hanzo.

“Aw, Jesse, that’s gay,” Lena said.

“It sure is,” Jesse agreed. 

Hanzo rolled his eyes. “It is not that impressive,” he said. “What is, however, is how long he took to put all those belts on.”

The woman laughed at Jesse’s expression. “Okay, look, there’s a lot of ‘em--it looks cool though!”

“No one said it didn’t!” Emily said. “You both look fantastic. Doesn’t Van Helsing hunt vampires, though?”

“Well, sure,” Jesse said with a shrug, snagging a peanut butter cup from the bowl and earning a glare from his husband. “But monster hunter in general, right? Or some sorta… illicit lovers thing, y’know, monster hunter fallen in love with his prey, the demon he’s supposed to kill feeling warmth in his long-missing soul again. Some dramatic horror-romance or somethin’.”

“Is that our theme for Halloween?” Lena asked. “Did we both go for a horror romance?”

“Gay culture,” Hanzo said flatly, tearing open another bag of candy and sending wrapped chocolates scattering over the counter. “Dammit.”

“That’s also gay culture,” Emily said, scooping up a few that tumbled to the floor.

“Being clumsy?” Lena said with a snicker. 

“Oh, hush, you,” Emily replied. “We can’t all be incredible athlete-pilot-geniuses!”

Lena reached around Emily to grab a candy for herself and tossed another one to Jesse. Emily shook her head. 

“We are supposed to give these to the children, you know,” Hanzo said.

“There’s like seven bags of candy here, I think we’ll be fine minus one or two pieces,” Lena replied.

“Or minus twelve,” Jesse said. “I really like peanut butter cups.”

“We’ve got allergy-friendly stuff, right?” Emily asked with concern.

“Yep!” Lena said. “Jesse and I also went out and got little toys for kids who can’t have candy.”

Jesse snapped his fingers. “I’ll go grab it. Thanks for the reminder.” He hurried off, the metal bits of his costume rattling noisily with each step.

“How long did it take to put on all that paint? It looks fantastic,” Emily asked Hanzo.

“Too long,” he answered wryly. “And you would not believe how difficult the horns were.”

“Those fangs are wicked,” Lena said. She bared her own fake shark-like maw. “We’re monster buddies!”

Hanzo grinned. The teeth didn’t move at all, and his words were even hardly slurred, as though he were used to talking around them. Lena wondered just how much money he’d spent on realistic accessories for one night… or if this was a costume he wore often enough to have spent the money before and knew how to rock it.

The thought of Hanzo dressing up outside of Halloween was pretty funny.

“Monster buddies, indeed. Gay culture?”

“Super gay culture,” Emily agreed. “I think Halloween in general is gay culture. Though it was never really that big in England.”

“Neither in Japan,” Hanzo said. “It was a bit of a change, just how  _ into  _ holidays Americans can be. But very fun, I must admit. There is a sense of excitement and community that I did not expect to enjoy so much.”

“Fareeha said Jesse was really into Halloween,” Emily said.

Hanzo laughed. “An understatement! If you think Jesse is bad, you should meet his father! Gabriel lives and breathes Halloween, even in his fifties!”

“Gabriel? Reyes?” Lena asked. “I know him! Kind of, I met him at the market. Or at least who I’m guessin’ in his husband yelling for him in the freezer section.”

“Jack Morrison? Tall Army man with white hair, scars, glasses, cane?”

“Sounds like him.” Lena giggled at the memory; it had been pretty funny seeing the two men who weren’t really that old bickering with each other with their matching wedding rings glittering gold on their hands. “Those were Jesse’s parents? I had no idea!”

Hanzo nodded. “I am sure you will meet them officially eventually. They show up randomly on occasion with gifts and such or just to pester Jesse into doing something for them. I am sure Gabriel, at least, and Jesse’s sister will be here tomorrow for Day of the Dead.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Emily nodded. “Don’t want to bother them during that, though.”

“Bother who during what?” Jesse’s voice rang out, followed by the noisy jingling of his costume as he came back in with a large plastic bag full of little halloween themed toys. 

“You, tomorrow,” Lena answered. “For Dia-- Dia-- Day of the Dead.”

He chuckled and emptied the toys into another bowl. “Nah, you’re fine, I’d be happy to show y’all the traditions. But for tonight,” he said, turning with a wide grin, “it’s Halloween.”

“Halloween!” Emily agreed, pumping her fist in the air, making Lena and Jesse hoot and follow suit. Hanzo rolled his eyes with a grin.

“So we’re definitely havin’ that little bonfire and doin’ s'mores and stuff, right?” Lena asked. “Maybe not for all the kids, but if any of our mates come ‘round?”

“I don’t see why not,” Hanzo said. “The fire will keep the chill out, as well, if we will be sitting for a while.”

“Lena, would you and Jesse like to go set that up, maybe?” Emily suggested.

“So you won’t eat all of the candy,” Hanzo scolded. 

Lena and Jesse shared a sheepish grin. “Yeah, sure,” Jesse said easily. 

The two headed out behind the McCree-Shimada residence to get their fairly heavy fire pit sitting on the patio. Slowly, they carried from the backyard to the front. It was already getting chilly, the sky growing dark, and dry leaves swirled in the autumn breeze. 

They set it down in between their properties. Both houses were incredibly decorated, mostly matched up as well, for their planned dual Halloween candy-handing-out get together for Lena and Emily’s first Halloween in the States. With the fire pit arranged, Jesse and Lena fetched fire logs, folding chairs, a cooler for drinks, and a small table to put their s'mores on.

As Jesse was stoking the fire and Lena was dumping ice in the cooler, Emily and Hanzo came out with armfuls of stuff-- graham crackers, marshmallows, a few of the bowls. The four of them alternated keeping an eye on the fire and retrieving items from either house, until the cooler was stocked with a few beers and ciders, the candy bowls were ready, and the s’mores were set up. 

Emily whipped out her phone when they were satisfied that everything was set up. “Pictures!” she sang out. “Come on, you two first! You’re just too cute!”

Jesse struck a pose immediately, while Hanzo took a little more convincing. He gave in quickly, though. 

Picture time was cut fairly short when lights started turning on and doors began to open and close, and the giggles of children rang through the air.

“Uh-oh!” Lena said. “It’s time!”

“Wonder how many superheroes we’ll see this year?” Jesse asked with a laugh. 

“Aww, they’ll be so adorable,” Emily cooed. She gasped and straightened up. “Hold on!” With that, she darted for her and Lena’s house.

“What’s that about?” Jesse asked.

“No idea,” Lena replied. “Maybe she’s usin’ the bathroom or something.”

“Better now than later,” Jesse said with a shrug. 

The three of them settled into the folding lawn chairs to wait, and Jesse cracked open a couple bottles for them all. As kids began to wander onto their street, Emily came running back over. 

She bustled on the table for a minute before stepping back to reveal her tablet plugged into a small mobile speaker. When a familiar tune began to play, she grinned in triumph and turned up the volume a bit.

“You clever, beautiful girl!” Lena said with a grin. “I didn’t even think of that!”

“Did you make a whole playlist?” Hanzo asked.

“I’ve had it made for a while, actually,” Emily confessed. “Listening to Halloween music gets me in the mood for writing some spooky things!”

“Not to mention you trying to learn to dance to Thriller,” Lena teased.

Emily made clawed hands and mimicked part of the dance. “It’s so hard! I’ve got two left feet, I swear!”

Jesse passed an open cider to her. “Everyone’s got a talent. I’ve got faith in ya, though.”

“Thanks, Jesse. At least someone does.” Emily sighed dramatically and flopped in the chair beside Lena with a pointed look at her.

Lena raised an eyebrow. “Love, you broke a glass yesterday.”

“Let me live, Oxton.”

Jesse burst out laughing at that. “Y’all are a trip!”

Before anyone else could say anything, a couple of little kids dressed up as--unsurprisingly, but adorably--superheroes came running up the driveway with plastic pumpkins. Their parents watched on from the sidewalk, chatting.

“Trick or treat!” chorused the children.

“Well, ain’t you the coolest little superheroes!” Jesse exclaimed as Emily offered one of the candy bowls.

“I feel very safe knowing you’re out here lookin’ out for bad guys!” Lena agreed. 

The children giggled as they chose their candy. “Thank you!” said one of them, shyly, before they ran off for the next house. 

“And so it begins,” Hanzo said.

For the next hour, they chatted idly about anything that struck their fancy as they handed out candy to kids. They posed for a few pictures from awed cosplaying teens and young adults looking for inspiration for future costumes. The haunted house being run the next block over rang out with screams and recorded scary noises, and fake mist from dozens of fog machines, including the ones hidden on their own lawns, rolled over the street.

Lena leaned forward with a marshmallow on a metal skewer, hovering over the flickering flames. Jesse had his own marshmallow held in the fire, grumbling to himself. 

“Oh! Jesse! It’s on fire!” Emily exclaimed.

“Is it?” Jesse lifted it. “Finally, sheesh!”

Lena made a face. “Put it out!”

“He likes them burned,” Hanzo said. 

“Damn right I do. Crispy marshmallows are the best.” He rotated the skewer to evenly burn it before blowing out the fire. Hanzo helped him smush it into a s’more.

“To each his own, I guess,” Emily said, wrinkling her nose.

“Is he torching his marshmallows again?”

All four of them looked up to a woman dressed as a robot with an absolutely stunning vampire on her arm. Fareeha was grinning.

“Hey!” Jesse mumbled through a mouthful of sugar. 

“Hi, Fareeha! Hi, Satya,” Lena said cheerfully. “You two look fantastic!”

“You guys look great, too!” Fareeha said. “I see Hanzo and Genji went as twins again.”

Hanzo huffed. “Really? Did he dress as an oni as well?”

“One far less sober, if I had to guess,” Satya said in amusement. “Didn’t you get his messages? He’s been sending everyone pictures. Zenyatta is in most of them.”

“Ah, of course.”

“They’re pretty gay,” Jesse said.

“Aren’t we all?” Fareeha said, glancing with affection at Satya.

“Are you two going to Lucio’s party?” Emily asked.

“Yep,” Fareeha said. “You sure you don’t want to go?”

“Yeah, we’re seein’ all the kids! They’re real excited this year,” Jesse said. “Maybe we’ll come by when trick or treating is over.”

“Tell him hi for us, okay?” Lena asked.

“Sure thing.” Fareeha smiled at them. “Happy Halloween!”

“I can’t believe you and Genji dressed up the same again,” Jesse laughed as the two women left.

Hanzo huffed.

Emily held out her phone with a picture of Genji in a similar costume, grinning beside another man with a really creepy eldritch mask. “You two are definitely brothers,” she said with a laugh. “Don’t tell him, but I think yours is cooler.”

Hanzo smiled a bit. “Thank you.”

“Trick or treat!” yelled a chorus of small voices.

Slowly the bowls became lighter, the marshmallow bag emptied, and Emily had to run inside to fix a couple of barnacles that had started peeling from her forehead. The sounds of the children began to fade, and fewer kids were coming up the driveway for candy. It looked like a lot of teenagers now, dressed up and thanking them with more excitement than the little children when they were offered candy.

“Now’s the time when things get weird,” Jesse said, looking up at the moon, heavy but not full for another few days. “All the little kids go to sleep…”

“And the monsters all come out,” Emily added in a spooky voice, waving her fingers. “You better watch out, love, they’ll eat you up!”

Jesse’s grin was sharp as he looked over. “They might,” he said. “You never know. Halloween gets wild around here.”

“Would the inhuman not love to be able to wander about among the unsuspecting mortals?” Hanzo said. “This is the perfect time for them to do so.”

Lena, against her will, shivered a little bit. “Scary! I’m sure we’re nice and safe, though. No monster will try to do anything while we look like this!”

“Fair point,” Jesse said. “But who said monsters would be mean? Maybe they just wanna hang out.”

Emily giggled. “I wouldn’t mind. I bet werewolves would throw a mean party.”

“Wouldn’t that just be…”

“Lena, no--”

“A monster mash?”

“I hear that’s a graveyard smash,” Jesse said gleefully.

Emily and Hanzo both groaned. 

“Speaking of which,” Lena said. “We should definitely go to Lucio’s party before it gets too late!”

“I’m with you on that,” Jesse agreed. “You wanna come, Han?”

Hanzo shrugged. “I will not dance, but I will go.”

“Laaaaame,” Lena said, sticking out her tongue. 

They packed up quickly and adjusted their costumes. Leftover candy was left to be split between the couples later.

“Let's go get spooky,” Jesse said as they met up again outside. “And hopefully drunk.”

“I'm not holding your hair back if you throw up,” Emily scoffed. “Hanzo looks like he won't, either!”

“I don't get that drunk,” he said with a laugh. “I've got crazy tolerance.” When he grinned wide, his teeth were sharp and glistening in the streetlights. It was a touch unsettling with the low, swirling mist stubbornly refusing to fade and the hollow scraping of dead leaves in the wind. 

“It’s kinda creepy now, with everyone going inside,” Lena said, rubbing her arms, careful of her plastic fins.

“Sure is,” Jesse agreed cheerfully. “Don't worry, the monsters here are friendly. They usually don't bite.”

Hanzo scoffed and muttered something that made Jesse press his lips tight, face going red. 

“Usually?” Emily asked.

“Yeah, y’know,” he said vaguely.

“You are in good company,” Hanzo assured. “No terror of the night would dare show its face with ill intent while we are here.”

“Oooh, big strong men protecting us,” Emily said with a roll of her eyes. 

“I-- that was not-- I did not mean--”

Lena started laughing. “Your attempts at drama have failed,” she said. “Still, ‘ppreciate the sentiment, love.”

“What if monsters ain’t all scary, like in movies and stuff?” Emily mused aloud. “Wonder if they’re hot.”

“I’d bang a monster girl,” Lena said with a nod. 

“Yeah,” Jesse agreed. He grinned at Hanzo. “Bet horns would be great handholds.”

“Alright, I’m too sober to get into detail!” Lena exclaimed as Hanzo flushed under his gray-painted skin. “Let’s all agree we’d shag a monster without saying how.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.” Jesse snickered. “Where’s your holiday spirit?”

“It’s not drunk enough to talk about shaggin’ werewolves with you,” she snorted.

“Werewolves are gay,” Emily said immediately.

“Yep. They’re real gay,” Jesse agreed.

A sudden scream cut the air.

Emily’s hand grabbed for Lena’s, and Jesse jerked his head toward the source of the sound. Hanzo was the only one who didn’t react.

“What--”

“A recording,” Hanzo said with a sigh. “From that haunted house.”

The two women relaxed and shared an uneasy laugh. The trees above them rattled in the wind, their dying leaves scratching against each other. Jack-o-lanterns grinned from porches and colorful lights still flickered on decorations. Skeletons hung from branches. Their silly conversation easily distracted them from the spooky feeling of the holiday. 

Even if it was all in good fun, Lena couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.

“Damn,” Jesse said, tipping his hat back. “Scared the hell outta me.”

“I’m sure there’s a joke about that somewhere, but I can’t think about how to word it,” Emily said with a nervous giggle. 

“How d’you mean?”

“Well, it scared all of us except the guy dressed as a bloody demon.”

Jesse laughed. “Right! That’s good, Em.”

“Doubt there’s a thing in the world that can scare Hanzo,” Lena said. 

“Doubt there’s a thing out of the world that can, either,” Emily added.

Hanzo scoffed. “Would it be vain of me to agree?”

Jesse slung an arm around him. “Ain’t nothin’ scary to you, sweetheart, you’re my big brave demon husband,” he cooed. “Everything better be way more afraid of you!”

For just a moment, Lena could have sworn-- it was the light, surely-- Hanzo's eyes were completely empty. Totally white.

But when she blinked, they were the same as ever, dark and intelligent and looking at Jesse with affection.

Emily glanced at her with her eyes wide. 

_ Did she see that too? _

No, no way. 

It was Halloween.

A trick of the light. 

Her neighbors weren’t monsters. 

**Author's Note:**

> <|:3
> 
> come stop by my tumblr, @softbutchcowboy!


End file.
